Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
