i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
