I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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