Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
