Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize