i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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