no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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