Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
