I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
