just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
