so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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