just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
