Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
