This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize