Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
