I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
