well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
