His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Four minutes until I can fart!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
