Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
