Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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