I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
