onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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