It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My balls are so social today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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