I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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