You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
