Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
