so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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