Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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