Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This baby is an asshole
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
