i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I look better un-naked...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
