He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
