Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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