bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
