She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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