despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
