Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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