I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
