Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
