dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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