watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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