Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
