you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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