i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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