CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize