and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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