Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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