How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
