Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
