you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
