ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
