Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
