So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
