dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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