if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
