I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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