I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
