So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
pray to the hookup gods
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
