My hand turned me down
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
