are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
