Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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