I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
