theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
