got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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