So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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