you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
