i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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