garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
