Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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