I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she peed on how many people?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize