i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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