Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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