I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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