I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
