Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize