First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
